Svetlana Gongalska is an internally displaced person twice. In March 2022, she left Kyiv with her children for Zakarpattia region. Shortly before the start of the “big war”, the family bought an apartment on credit and dreams of returning there. However, after eight years of war in Donbass, they do not have any illusions about a quick victory.
At five in the morning on 24 February, I felt a blind fear.
I am from Donetsk, so now I am an IDP for the second time. I have been living in Kyiv since 2019. These are probably the consequences of eight years of war in Donbass, but now I feel scared and I am stricken with panic much more often than then. I feel lost in space, I start trembling and gasping for air. Now I know: these are panic attacks.
On the first night of the war, we did not go down to any bomb shelter. We stayed at home. Yet, when it hit once again, we lay down on the floor. My daughter and I slept on the floor.
On the second day, it became very scary, and I decided that I needed to see where our bomb shelter was located. I took my daughter and son and we went to the subway immediately (Zhytomyrska metro station is not far from us). We stayed there for four hours on the cold floor, on the steps. We were running there while the sirens were howling, and did not have time to take anything with us. That is why, when everything calmed down, we decided to get out.
Then, from a woman we know we learned that there is a bomb shelter in the school closest to us. It was warm there. There was a toilet and some benches too. In the first days of the war, we went there after every air raid warning. But at some point we just got tired.
We live on the 13th floor, and running to the shelter dozens of times a day carrying some things with you is hard. When you hear the sirens wailing, it happens very quickly… My daughter said, ‘Mum, I have never come down from the 13th floor so fast.’
In the last days before leaving Kyiv, we went there only for the night. Air raid warnings came 10-12 times a day. When we heard the sirens during the daytime, we went out to the stair vestibule. There are load-bearing walls there and no window glass. We went to the bomb shelter to spend the night there. It was not so scary there. Lots of people, the police, and the territorial defence units.
Shortly before the start of the war, we bought an apartment on credit. We started doing some renovations in it.
It is very hard to leave your home for the second time! I talked to people in the shelter who were facing war for the first time. They believe that this will end quickly and life will return to normal. But after eight years of war in Donbass, I don’t have such belief. And that makes it harder for me.
On the ninth day of the war, we could not stand it and left for Zakarpattia region. The kids feel good. At some critical moments, they are very scared, but then they switch over quickly. However, I am afraid that the war trauma will make itself felt later.
My husband stayed at home, in Kyiv. Our cat and hamster are also there. We left with the firm intention of returning home! We do not consider other options. I do not even want to unpack my suitcases here. I just take out some things I need. To be ready to grab the suitcases at any moment and return to Kyiv.
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